Leap somewhere else, Lords.

I love Christmas music, I really do. It sets the mood this time of year, and reminds us that it's time to see a bunch of people you may not like that much and you'll be fighting with almost all of them for at least a month straight. Having said that, by the end of the holiday season, even the best Christmas songs get a little grating; it's sweet of Mariah Carey to express how much she only wants me for Christmas, but after hearing her say it 200 times, my limit has been reached. To make matters worse, there are some that probably never should have been written, changed, or performed in the first place, yet the sheer volume at which they're played should be reserved only for torturing people convicted of war crimes.

Superions - Fruitcake

The fruit cake joke has worn out its welcome. Yes, I get it, fruitcake is disgusting. It's hard as a rock and shouldn't be considered dessert. Whatever. I don't care anymore. Stop shoving this tired farce down my throat(Am I the only person that thinks that sounds suggestive?). Superions, there's a reason why this video has less than 10,000 views on YouTube; everyone else is just as tired of the shtick as I am. NO MORE FRUITCAKE SONGS.

Eraserheads - Fruitcake

Okay, the Eraserheads didn't get the memo. At least in the Superions' song, the song focuses entirely on the contents of fruitcake, which is annoying, but appropriate. This song talks about stars and miracles falling down from heaven, something called "fruitcake heights," and "mothers giggling in sheer delight" at the taste of fruitcake. Also, there's apparently fruitcake in everyone. I don't get it.

Lou Monte - Dominick The Donkey

This song makes no sense to me. I admit, it's kind of catchy, and I find myself hee-hawing throughout the day after hearing it; but I have some fundamental issues with the lyrics. The reindeer can't climb the hills of Italy, so Santa Claus needs a donkey? Um, I'm pretty sure the reindeer can fly. I wasn't aware climbing was a necessary skill under these conditions. Second, the donkey dances when people speak in Italian. That must get tiring for a donkey that lives in Italy. Try again, Lou Monte. I'm not buying it.

Jackson 5 - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

In reality, I only have a serious issue with one part of this song, but it bothers me enough that it makes the list. Head to around 1:45 to hear a completely unnecessary addition to the original song. For the longest time, I thought it was just nonsensical scatting, and it drove me crazy. Finally, having looked up the lyrics, I now have a better understanding of what actually peeves me when I hear the song. Really? Rooty-toot-toot and rump-a-tum-tum? Both were necessary? Also, I would love to see what "tootling" is, because I'm pretty sure that's not a word.

Any performance ever - 12 Days of Christmas

According to Wikipedia, this song was written in 1780, which is obvious because if anybody gave me these gifts now, I'd ask why they hate me and if they have the gift receipt. First of all, I hate birds, and twenty-three of them are given as gifts in this song. 23. That is a lot of birds. On top of that, you get 12 drummers, 11 pipers, 10 lords-a-leaping, 9 ladies dancing, and 8 maids-a-milking. That's fifty people. Who's paying their salary? I'm not. Don't give me people as a gift, I don't fancy myself a slave owner. The only decent gifts are the five gold rings, and I'd probably have to sell them to afford all the other crap. I don't like gifts that end up resulting in chores, thank you.